FADE IN
INT-TRAIN CABIN-DAY
The camera opens on a lone TRAVELER comfortable in his seat and staring out the window. A large backpack sits in the seat next to him.
Train stops with SQUEELING WHEELS.
Camera now follows the traveler off the train. Traveler exits the terminal and sees the sights of London. (LIGHT CAR AND FOOT TRAFFIC) He turns the corner just past a rowdy pub and is suddenly walking out of a French café (SOFT FRENCH MURMER FROM THE CAFÉ GUESTS) with classic Paris scenery in front of him. He crosses the street to find himself in a crowded Indian market (HEAVY BACKGROUND NOISE FROM THE CROWD) Someone in the market crosses between the traveler and the camera and we are now on a wharf with cooked lobster being served out of window (WATER LAPPING UNDER THE DOCK). Traveler turns around to walk off the dock and as the camera comes around to follow him the scene changes to an anonymous city street. Traveler enters a restaurant.
SMALL GROUP of people greets him warmly. They grab a seat and start to chat.
Scene blurs and the words “Foreign Foodie Friends: Bringing People Together Through Food” appear with website address.
FADE OUT
You have a great premise here. I can visualize the scenes.
ReplyDeleteIncorporating more food in each of the cities would have been ideal. Walking into the French cafe’ then sitting at a table with his food being served makes this scene align with your niche. Another idea is having your character shake the hand of the owner at the pub in London while a server is delivering an authentic dish to the table.
Overall this is a great script. Nice writing.
I like the idea behind the commercial. Part of me wishes this would have included your home-cooked meals idea.
ReplyDeleteI could see a travel walking past a crowded restaurant or going to a crowded restaurant and waiting. And maybe another traveler going to someone's home for a home-cooked delicacy, great conversation without any wait.
Overall good job though
WrightWrong took the words out of my mouth. I thought these were home cooked meals. I was expecting your traveler to walk past all of these tourist traps and end up in someone’s home instead.
ReplyDeleteYou can’t keep a good idea down. And you don’t need to make it more complicated either. A commercial shot around the world like a Bond film is fun, but unnecessary.
Editing images is just like editing words: omit the extraneous.
A home cooked meal in Paris is better than any other restaurant or attraction. That’s your thesis and that’s your commercial. The cafes and different locations confuse me. Your guy should get off the train, pass all the tourists and traps, turn down a maitre d’, go deeper and deeper into the real Paris, and walk up the steps of a home, where he is greeted by a warm host, a warm meal and warm conversation.
Maybe that last shot of him at a family dinner table has the Eiffel Tower in the window, very far away.
Even if you don’t pursue this great idea Audrey, let it be a lesson to you. Good theses are simple. A good social media campaign for Foodies would keep telling everyone your one thesis in multiple creative ways. It may seem redundant, but you have to convince people and that’s not easy.
Travel is a home cooked meal. Travel is a home cooked meal. Travel is a home cooked meal.
Think about the title of Anthony Bourdain’s television show: No Reservations. Those two words say a lot.
Your formatting starts out well, but you never give us a second slug line after INTERIOR – TRAIN CABIN and yet you move through EXTERIORS around the globe. Again, a script is a blueprint that captures each image that you need just like a sentence uses only the words that you need…
Eurostar.
Backpack.
Gare du Nord.
Pass Sacre Coeur.
Pass Louvre.
Ignore pushy brasserie owner.
Cross Seine.
Pass Eiffel Tower.
Hand drawn map.
Run up steps.
Doorbell.
Warm greeting.
Beautiful home.
Dinner table food.
Conversation.
Taste the real Paris…
It’s another algorithm.
Good work.